16th of February 2019, the time, 14.51pm.
What I am about to share with you is a personal journey, also a spiritual journey that I undertook,
starting in late 2017, all the way until mid-2018, a journey which took me from Europe all the way to Asia.
Now I have to be honest with you right now, the journey itself was a big event in my life
and the magnitude of the journey, how it affected me emotionally, how it changed me psychologically
and how it developed me spiritually.
It was so much to digest that even after almost one year later,
it's still very hard for me to find the words to encapsulate what I went through.
And to be honest, this is one of the journeys in my life that I did not want to speak about to others
because it was purely for me.
But upon requests from my close friends all around the world who had supported me
and knew I was determined to make this journey,
they asked me to record just for posterity.
And so here it is.
And I had refrained from recording my thoughts on this nomadic journey,
the time that it finished because I know I would be too passionate
and not objective enough to speak on the things I wish to speak on today.
And so you could say it took me one year to really digest this
and it took me one year to be able to find the correct mindset and attitude to speak on this subject.
Before I begin, I want to say that I'm only doing this in the hopes that it may help someone out there
who may be feeling or have felt how I had felt before and during my journey.
So without further ado, who it is.
Have you ever felt that the world wanted nothing to do with you?
Have you ever felt this way before, my friend?
That no matter what you did, no matter how hard you tried,
it almost seemed as the world did not want your trace.
This was me and my mindset in early 2017.
In that time of my life, things were not going, things were going downhill.
Every creative endeavor that I pursued failed.
Every artistic endeavor I pursued not only cost me money, but failed miserably.
I ran myself to the ground because old habits die hard.
I could not pick myself back up.
And I found myself vegetating in the environment where I was at
and at that time I was in England, 27-year-old me.
Things in my life were just falling apart.
Financially, I was not stable.
Psychologically, I want to think that I was sane.
Emotionally, I'm a pretty cool guy, so nothing phases me.
But as I look around me, all I saw was things tumbling in my life
and I told myself I could not continue like this.
Now, even though today I'm speaking about the journey that took me from Europe to Asia,
the actual prelude to this journey happened in early 2017.
I have been travelling all my life ever since I was young, very young.
And the road is the only constant thing for me.
It's very hard for me to tell you this and explain.
But I really believe that where you are born and brought up, this will affect you so very much in life.
And as for me, in my very young and young days, I was brought up on the road, constantly travelling and moving.
So travelling has always been, at once, bitter and sweet for me, my medicine.
Bitter because you learn some very harsh lessons whilst on the road.
Sweet because the rewards that you gain, though maybe intangible, are very unique and priceless.
At that time, when the world was crumbling around me, my only cure was to hit the road again.
And so that's what I did.
Early 2017, I decided to try my hand hitchhiking because I had one dream in my mind.
I just wanted to see Hong Kong again.
I had been away from Hong Kong at that time for almost five years.
Living around Europe, travelling, performing, doing things.
I felt that I had lost my route as a Chinese man, as a Hong Kong man.
And I thought to myself, hey, you know, if things are going so bad right now,
what problem is it for me to hit the road and try to make myself better
and perhaps make my life better?
So early 2017, I sold most of my possessions.
I gave away my magic library.
Most of my books I downsized to the bare essentials.
I gathered my gear, hoping that with 20 years of travelling experience under my belt
I was ready for my first ever hitchhiking journey across at least Europe.
My plan was to cross Europe and to work and to gain experiences.
For that I needed gear and so that's what I gathered.
I packed my bags and I hit the road.
My first destination was Belgium because previously I had already been to Belgium
and I actually worked on a farm in Belgium in 2016 in a region called Zothigem.
But anyway, my first journey took me to Belgium
which I thought was a pretty safe place and a pretty logical place for me to start
and hitchhike east across Europe.
One thing I knew for a start was that I had too much gear
and the weight was weighing me down.
But excited for the journey ahead of me.
I landed in Brussels and it took me two days.
Two days trying to get out of Brussels
and in those two days it was very frustrating because I had never hitchhiked before in my life.
Weary, tired, hungry, perhaps a little angry as well at myself
and life I went back to the Brussels north station
which if you have ever been is a place where most public transports like buses and trains
and coaches go to and from Brussels internationally and locally.
But one thing I did not know that Brussels was very afflicted at that time by poverty with poverty
and there was a lot of refugees from places like Morocco, Syria, Africa, all these other places
and they gathered at the north station
and if I were to at a glance tell you how many refugees there were
there must have been at least a hundred who had no homes.
And here I was mingling and blending in with these
sticking out like a sore thumb with my gear, my backpack, my rucksack
and my life inside those bags, my performing gear, my travelling gear, everything that meant
anything to me that I could not sell or give away.
So in the evening after those two days still in Brussels, tired, weary
I decided to go to this north station and catch a breath, maybe sleep a little.
The refugees were kind enough to shelter me in
and they showed me the place where I could queue up and line up for food
and it seemed to me that the local police force and the military
had food stores and stands set up for the peoples, soup kitchens, things of that nature
and putting my pride away I joined the queue
and I received my food, went back to the north station which has two floors
and everyone sat on the second floor
which is train station part more on the floor and we began eating
and it was very comfortable for me because not only was it very new
but it just seemed right to me that this is what my life will be
until I reach my destination on the other side of the world.
After the food my exhaustion hit me and so I laid my things on the floor
and I thought I'd just catch some shit-eye maybe just rest my eyes for a minute or two.
Soon I found my eyes closed and I drifted off
but then suddenly my eyes opened and it seemed to me that I had slept for a minute
but I was told but I had slept for 5-10 minutes
but when it looks around me things look the same other than one thing
all my possessions were gone
other than my boots and a Buddhist book that I had
everything was gone
my gear and my life
I was stunned for a moment and then I realized I must have been robbed
whilst I was asleep
so frantically I got up and started asking around
asking around asking around and a lot of the refugees were very very helpful
in locating the security guards and checking CCTV camera footage
and it turns out that I was robbed by three Arabs who had their eye on me
the first moment I entered the stage
and at that time it was very devastating for me because
my life that I had in those bags were gone
and the only question in my mind that kept reoccurring was what am I going to do
I don't have any money all I have is if I remember correctly at that time
30 pounds
at least I had my documents well hidden in my clothing
so everything is not lost
but I then learnt my biggest lesson of all
that if you were to go on this journey
you really need to be ready
and even though I had gathered my gear
I had set off on the journey and set foot in another land
and even though I was determined to go on the journey
life showed me that I was still not ready
eventually
I hitchhiked my first ride back to the UK
on a Euro bus
one of those buses that goes from London to
Amsterdam, Belgium, France
I managed to hitchhike a bus back to London
which took around 8 hours
and during those 8 hours I began to feel relieved
that life took the burden that I had in my backpack and rucksack from me
because then I really saw what life was trying to tell me
and it was that you did not need any of those things
because all those things that I had, those possessions
were only gathered in vanity
in the hopes that it will become my protection on the road
and that whilst travelling on this road
there is no resource more worthy other than personal will
material possessions, gear
even perhaps money is of unimportance compared to will
and did I have it, I didn't
and life showed me that I did not
and so with my head bit down and humbled
I made my way back to London then back to my hometown, Birmingham
still things were tumbling around me
and I could not bring myself to stay in one place anymore
and so I went off on the road once more
but this time with a plan
oh my dream was still to go to Asia
still to see Hong Kong
I would still travel across Europe to get there
I did not care at that time
this was the beginning of mid-2017
a year or two prior to that, 2015
I had began volunteering in a Buddhist cafe
in the English countryside
where I learnt and met many travelling friends and volunteers
and I learnt the art of coffee making
using a platform called HelpX
that I became a member of
and I thought to myself
well returning back to the UK to London to my hometown
if I still wanted to go on this journey
I needed to not go blindly and to have a plan
so my first destination was back to this Buddhist cafe
in the hopes that they would take me in
in exchange I would work for them
I would work and I would wait until the right moment
and quite gladly they accepted me again
and so I was there in the English countryside
working and living in the complex
meeting friends, developing
and soothing out the failure that I had just encountered in Brussels
volunteering in this Buddhist cafe
I stayed there for five months
rebuilding myself
learning the art of coffee making
and being humble
watching the seasons go
and throughout that time
my failure in Brussels
was like a shadow to me
very close by
but I was determined
because of the people that I met there at the cafe
gave me hope
and encouraged me to continue on my journey
oh you may ask me
what type of things did I have
what material possessions did I have then
whilst working in that cafe
well let me tell you straight
I was still pretty broke at that time
all I had to my name was a small backpack
very small backpack
and in it was my life
a few sets of clothes
my performing gear
packs of playing cards
only the bare essentials
money-wise I had about 50 pounds
and I was able to not spend any of that money
whilst working at that cafe
fast forward a few months
my volunteering at that cafe
would come to an end after
after so long a period
after meeting I would say
one group of the closest friends that I had
ever had the privilege of meeting in my life
and so leaving the UK
my first destination was Norway
and my original plan was this
to hitchhike from Norway
all across Europe
to Turkey
and then from Turkey
if I could
hitchhike
across places like Kazakhstan
towards Asia
that was my original plan
and even though that journey was so far ahead in my mind
I could see it so clearly
every single night
when I went to sleep
that vision I've seen Hong Kong again
was so strong
it almost set me crazy
but the fire was strong
why did I go to Norway of all places during winter?
let's just say
when you make decisions based on emotion
you can get led to some crazy places
but lucky for me
once I reached Norway
I found myself another volunteering place
that I could work
and this time I was working
in a place called Lilihammer
two hours away from Oslo
on a mountain range called Hornshø
and I was working
in a hotel
and I worked there for a month until
I really couldn't stand it anymore
and then I began hitchhiking myself
across Scandinavia
down to Denmark
where I worked again
in another volunteering place
this time for a school
where I found myself
becoming a kitchen cleaner and dishwasher
and breakfast preparer
now I am fast forwarding
some parts of this journey to save time
because like I told you
a lot of the journey that I undertook
is very personal
and it's very hard for me to
explain to you
each and every detail of what I went through
but I want to tell you this
of the places that I had gone to
and the friends that I had met
and the skills that I had undertaken
and learnt
it was priceless to me
because it gave me confidence
day by day that I could survive on the road
I could actually do it
if I put my mind to it
but in my heart
I was still restless
because of the journey
that I said I will take
and go on
and you see for me
when I make a decision
you better kill me
if not
I will see this decision to the end
at that time
working in Scandinavia
I was very sick and tired of the cold
now if you have never experienced
winter in Scandinavia
my god
now in the UK
when I see snow and winter
this is nothing, no factor at all
because in my mind I had seen
and went through
the deepest of winters in Scandinavia
so working in Denmark
my biggest problem
was that I needed to get out of Scandinavia
lucky for me
I had found a ride
that could take me from Denmark
all the way to Berlin
this took me
at least 10 hours
or a 12 hour car ride
crossing the ferry
and soon I found myself
in Berlin
Germany
and it was there
that I had invigorated confidence
that I could actually make my hitchhiking journey east
and so
for days and weeks
and months
I was travelling
east
without any money in my pocket other than my 50 pounds
without any possessions other than
the clothes on my back
and the 15 kg backpack
I was braving the elements
and let me tell you one thing is strange
because
you can learn a lot about a city
once you've been there for a full 24 hours
now a lot of people when they travel
they go to a city
and they land
and they actually only spend half a day at the city
and the next half of the day they sleep
but once you spend 24 full hours
in one place in one city
you learn so much
and whilst I was beginning to hitchhike east
it occurred to me that
things are so strange
it was very hard for me to pinpoint
and put to
put to words what it was but
I felt immensely lonely
and winter would do that especially to you
as well as
travelling on your own
so I made myself
become capable of
dealing with
this lonesomeness while on the road
and it wasn't until I reached
Czech Republic by accident
it was then
where it really hit me that
what people call normal
is very not normal
and the way I travel
the places I go
really shows me
and it sends me into a place
where I can observe and learn
the human nature
and also the rhythm
and cadence
of this modern world
still in the winter
finding myself accidentally landing in Prague
cold again
tired
exhausted
having no look at all hitchhiking
out of Prague
I had to recuperate
so for the first time in 8 months
I spent money
I booked a hostel room
and I slept for one day
one full day
and as I
laid my head down on that pillow
images started to flash
into my mind and
I saw Hong Kong again
and
the fire was still strong
but
I didn't know if I could reach Hong Kong
you know
yes, I made myself
fly to Norway
and I made my way down
hitchhiking
across Scandinavia towards
Berlin
I don't know why I keep saying Belgium
maybe that emotional scar so strong
is still with me
even though I hitchhiked
all this way
even though I felt
I had confidence
did I really believe that I had
confidence
in that hostel room
I told myself
I should have
but I don't feel it
because I know by the next day
I'll be back out there on the road again
either I'll be sleeping on the streets
trying to hitch a ride
either I'll be sleeping
in some nature somewhere
along the highway
or resting again
at a 24 hour
rest station
speaking to lorry drivers hoping to
catch a ride at 5am in the morning
and in that hostel room
I told myself
God dang
I must find a way to pass by winter
otherwise
I'll be frozen to death by
by the time I
I come to my senses
you know
so I charged my phone
pulled out google maps
and I saw the country
next to the Czech Republic
and I said to myself
that is the place I need to go
I don't know why
but I told myself
and it was the right feeling
that I needed to go to Austria
specifically Vienna
what was I going to do in Vienna
I don't know
but from what I heard from travellers
at that time
during february march
that Austria was warm
and I needed a bit of sun
because imagine this man
you've been in Scandinavia for about a month or two
and then
you landed yourself in Berlin
and it's still cold
all you had gone through was the cold
you need a bit of sun
so
I hitched a ride to Vienna
and I made it in one day
once I got to Vienna
I pulled out google maps
without a plan in my mind
I pulled out google maps
and I looked for the nearest hostel
and I said to myself
if I find one
I'm going to go up to this hostel
and I'm going to ask for work
and I found one
and I made my way
turns out I was pretty close
the guy who dropped me off
in Vienna dropped me off
at a place called Westbahnhof
which is a region very central
in Vienna
at 8pm
I landed in Westbahnhof
made my way to this hostel
walked up to the counter
and I said my man
because the person who was on the counter
was a guy
I said my man
I'm a volunteer
and I'm looking for work
do you have any work here at this hostel
and the guy looked at me
this crazy Chinese dude
and if you can imagine
travelling all these months sleeping on the road
and not eating properly
and raggedy clothes
and not raggedy clothes
but you know what I mean I'm not fresh
I got an edge to me
he looked at me he must have looked at me crazy
but he said hang on let me call my manager
so he picks up the phone
and says hey
there's a guy who just came
to the hostel and he's looking for work
and then he turns to me
can you start tomorrow
I said my man I can start right now
as long as you give me a room
he said the deal is done
you shall start tomorrow
I thought to myself what
this actually worked
I was so happy then
and the guy told me
here's the key to your room
you're going to be sharing rooms
go to sleep take a shower
and your work begins tomorrow morning
and I said okay
and as I walked to my room
I could not believe what just happened
now I'm telling you this because
not only was that part of my journey
a focal point
a turning point
but it is a demonstration
an indirect demonstration
of what you can create
once you put your mind to
what it is you wanted to create
and if you are listening
to me
and perhaps
you don't have confidence
in rebuilding
or creating
something for your life
let's not talk about anything grand
let's just talk about something for your life
I just want to tell you
as long as you believe
and let nothing
stand in your way
you can make it happen
and you don't have to
have travelled
and gone through the same journey as me
just as long as you believe
that you can
god damn it you can
and as I sat in that
hostile room with my key
in this warm
room
with access to a shower
a place to wash my clothes
and most importantly
company
it was very hard for me to contain myself
and looking at
the inventory that I had
I told myself
if I were to
get myself to Asia
I cannot continue
like this
and so the next morning came
I began my work
at this hostel
serving breakfast every morning
the dealer was pretty sweet
all I had to do was work for four hours a day
and the rest of the day
I had three
and I did this
for a few weeks until
I was able to
speak to the owner
of the hostel now I will keep the hostel
anonymous because
I would like to protect
my family there
the people that
became my family that
took me in and the friends
that I met and
if you are listening
I miss you all
and you saved me
you saved me and you didn't even know
and you didn't have to say
yes to me you could have said no
go to the next hostel
where you said yes and
because of that you saved me
so
I got to speak to the manager
and I said to him my friend
here is my story
and I told him my full story
where I had come from what I had done
and where I am going to go
and I told him look man
I really need to earn some money
for my travels and I will do anything for you
just give me a chance
and the guy looked at me
he thought I was crazy
he thought this guy is crazy
this guy is crazy
but I gave him a chance
that's what he said to me I will give you a chance
can you bartend
I said well
when I was very young
when I was about 18 I worked
at this pub in my hometown
for about 3 months until I got fired
he goes why did you get fired
I said because I was talking too much
and I didn't do work and the guy just laughed
and he said well we have a bar
and if you can pour a beer
you can serve
I said my man I can pour more than one beer
he says can you make a cocktail
I said if you give me a list
if you give me a recipe book I can
I can make a cocktail
and so there I was
I scored a job I paid job
as well as working my volunteer shift
so then
as well as working for 4 hours a day
I had another 8 hour shift
which was cool you know
earned some badass tips
badass tips my friend
and I ended up staying
in Vienna for one month
and I earned some good badass money
I'm telling you
it was a focal point
in that journey
but even though
things were going so well for me at that time
something really hit me
again and it was the seed
of what I experienced while I was
in Berlin and Czech Republic
and that was
the lonesomeness of the road
and
the unnaturalness of what
we call natural
the man-made world
I would say
now bearing in mind
I had a lot of time
exploring Vienna and being with the
Viennese people
and in Europe
I would say culturally
Vienna
is a vibrant place
very well established
economically
people are affluent
people's mindset
and their lifestyle
is sweet
but
it is very easy to be trapped
by this matrix and I saw
for the first time
in my life
physically and tangibly
the matrix
let me try and
put it into words
if I can
there's a lot of things that make us numb
especially this modern life that we live
that we work so hard for
and as I was traversing Vienna
I too would spend times
in cafes
restaurants
parks
and blending in with the Viennese
and the culture
but I would ask myself
what for
what purpose
other than to numb my senses
because now I am too comfortable to realize
that I am
I am working for
for what
now I know what I was working for
but I tried to put myself
in the shoes of a modern person
why
why is it that I must live this way
is it happy
to live this way
now I come from a first world country
I should be proud
of what I have had
and the privileges that I have had
at my disposal
but it was then in Vienna
when I asked myself
is this right
and it was then when I realized
what I was searching for this whole time
and this thing was truth
my truth
now let me tell you
if you travel like me
and if you have committed yourself
to the nomadic life
the things which people call natural
become very unnatural
for you
at least for me
restaurants
cafes
theaters
concerts
parties
shows
these give you a temporary
a temporary
a temporary sense
of welcomeness and home
in actual fact
you are paying
to be serviced
and to be treated like a kin
but I will tell you this
once you have no money
once you have no station
they don't want anything to do with you
but why do people like going out
to these
outings and these places
because it gives them a sense of
feeling and pride and it soothes
their ego
and this is the thing that
numbs you
this is the thing that almost
numbed me
being in Vienna
and my spirit
the spirit of magic
within me pushed back
and I saw my truth
I don't want any of this
and as I realized
these feelings
it felt like as the days
went on in Vienna as I
began to accumulate
a good amount of money
and I began to rebuild myself
my life force
felt like it was being snuffed out
and if you have ever felt this way
then let me tell you one thing
it's hard to get rid of
hard to get rid of
and so
after one month
of blending in
I couldn't take it anymore
and so I began hitching
east again
but before I left
I had one last thing to do
whilst in Vienna
and if I was a normal person
I wouldn't have needed to do this
but because I had also
committed my life
to
the art of prestidigitation
and magic
I had to visit the grave
of Johann Neppermarkov-Sinzer
and if you don't know who he is
that's fine
you'll come to know him
but for those who know
you know
and I found myself
at his gravestone
on a grey
rainy Vienna day
and it was strange
because standing
at a gravestone of a dead man
gave me more power
and more
feeling of home
than anything else
I had encountered and experienced
whilst being on the road
it felt right to me
and I knew
that all the different roles
that Jin Lee was playing
all these years
was just like putting on new clothing
and wearing a new mask
and that where I truly belong
and where my spirit
truly thrives
is in magic
thank you professor
for
helping me realise
where I was
and what I had needed to do
and I hope you liked
my performance of
the Masado Rings
it is a modern version
a 21st century
re-invention of the classic linking rings
I mean I don't know if
back in the 18th century
or the 17th century
the linking rings were so vibrant
well I hope you found it beautiful
I'm still learning
so
passing Croatia
Serbia, Bulgaria
sleeping in the wild
sleeping on highways
petrol stations
abandoned places
I
eventually got myself
to Istanbul
hitchhiking to Istanbul
and again
if you have ever been
to a place for a full 24 hours
you would learn
so very much about that place
and I had thought
up until that time
after reaching Istanbul
being on the road
for 8 months
I had thought I would be comfortable
in experiencing this lonesomeness
and
the dichotomy of naturalness
and unnaturalness
but once I hit Istanbul
it was a whole other level
of
strangeness
absolute strangeness
and Istanbul
really left a bad taste
in my mouth
for many reasons
of which I would not
get into but one thing
I will tell you is that
the rich
and the privileged
all these are built upon
the sufferings of the poor
well
it's been a long conversation my friend
did I make it to Hong Kong
I did
eventually
but not how I originally planned
with the help of some very
loving people
who supported me on the journey
knocked me to my senses
asking me
why was I risking my life
like that
and it was very hard for me to tell them
why
the only thing I could say was that
I needed to
because if I continued
sitting there
in my room
in early 2017 I would go insane
if I continued
hitting my head against that wall
trying to create
without the tools
and the experiences
I would go insane
if I continued surrounding myself
with the people that I did
I would go insane
and I needed to go on this journey
and if you would kill me
then
I was prepared to die
everyone has a secret journey
you have a secret journey too
something at the back of your mind
a place that you wanted to go
or something that you wanted to do
when we were born
we were born a clean slate
but as we grow older
we develop a veil
that shrouds our vision
and creativity
and our spirit of magic
and because of this veil
we continue
to live
but we do not believe
that we can achieve
and create
what we imagined
because other people tell us otherwise
that we need this
we need that
I just want to tell you
that you don't
and if you exercise the free will
and exercise
your spirit of magic
you can
create what you want to create for yourself
against all odds
and this is your truth
just like this journey was my truth
and after everything
I had reached Hong Kong
in
late April 2018
and as I sat there at the airport
as I got off the plane
hearing my own language again
and seeing
and being with my own people again
after five long years
the journey that I undertook flashed by
and it was like a blur to me
it was like a dream
but it was a visceral dream
that started out
just as a little seed
and a little thought in my mind
and to conclude
this conversation
I just want to say
you are more capable than what you believe
you have more in you
than what you think you have
you have two hands and two legs
if things don't work out for you
you can walk
you can do things
when I was working
on the farm in Belgium
in 2016
I saw first hand
what two empty hands
and a dream in the heart can create
a way
from the labels and the distinctions
of
what you are taught
and even if you find yourself
in the lowest of the low places
you can still pick yourself back up
but do not
for one moment
tell yourself that I cannot
and do not kid yourself
by putting
a carrot in front of you
in the hopes that one day you will reach it
because I know people who are like this
they tell me or Jin
I wish to change my life
I have no skills
I have no money
I don't know what to do
I tell them you have two hands
and two legs now
you have your passport
if you are like me in Europe
you have
the whole of Europe as your playground
to develop yourself
why don't you do it
why let things limit and restrict you
the only reason that I can
pinpoint is that
you are afraid
and so you lie to yourself
you put a goal in front of you
and tell you
as long as I reach this goal I'll be okay
but the one thing
that you do not realise is that
once you put this goal in front of you
if you don't change your mindset
if the wellspring
of your spirit is still poisoned
you will never reach your goal
and you will be
snuffed out by life
just like I was almost snuffed out
and let's speak practically now
if you are a youngster like me
without any skills
and nothing to your name
and no money
get yourself on helpx
helpx.net
register yourself as a volunteer
and go around Europe
working and learning skills
because the skills you pick up along the way
will serve you
once you come back
to your life
and so
16th of February
2018
the time
15.50pm
I hope
that the conversation that we had
and the journey that I just shared with you
would be of any use to you
and I hope that as well
you continue to create
and exercise the spirit
of magic that you have
within you
and don't let anyone tell you
that it's impossible
you and me
we're in the business of impossibility
we're in that business
I wish you
all the best
and until then
I'll see you down the road