WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:06.380 I emasculated my ex-husband three specific ways, control, criticism, and comparison. 00:07.040 --> 00:09.120 I was in control of everything. 00:09.580 --> 00:12.920 I controlled how the dishes went and if he loaded the dishwasher and it wasn't good enough, 00:13.200 --> 00:16.400 the way he was going to lead our team, it wasn't good enough. 00:16.540 --> 00:18.480 The way he managed everything wasn't good enough. 00:18.760 --> 00:21.340 Nothing he did was ever good enough. 00:21.560 --> 00:25.160 And then I let him know out loud, like I criticized everything that he did 00:25.160 --> 00:26.960 and told him how it should have been done better. 00:26.960 --> 00:30.220 And perfection was the standard that I held for him. 00:30.320 --> 00:35.480 So nothing was ever good enough because I was comparing me and him. 00:35.560 --> 00:41.120 And I had this self-righteous view of myself that I knew the way and my way was better. 00:41.540 --> 00:44.820 And nothing he ever did was enough. 00:45.020 --> 00:51.600 And eventually it created a man that was apathetic, that was resigned to not do anything. 00:51.900 --> 00:54.820 Why should he show up if I'm going to redo it? 00:54.820 --> 01:00.060 Or if I'm going to do it better or if he's going to get criticized, why should he show up? 01:00.440 --> 01:03.120 And then that caused further division in our relationship 01:03.120 --> 01:06.800 because he would say that he was going to do something and then just not. 01:07.380 --> 01:10.840 And it created this big void in respect. 01:11.180 --> 01:17.200 And where I got it wrong in the respect category was I was waiting for him to show up as perfect 01:17.200 --> 01:19.720 in order for me to begin to respect him. 01:20.260 --> 01:21.900 I didn't ever respect his effort. 01:22.360 --> 01:24.260 I didn't ever respect the progress. 01:24.260 --> 01:26.260 I didn't respect anything. 01:26.820 --> 01:27.980 This is very important. 01:28.140 --> 01:29.800 This happens in a lot of houses, right? 01:30.060 --> 01:32.620 Women, we can be control freaks, right? 01:32.920 --> 01:38.180 We can also have this idea of we want things done our way, whether it's the way the dishwasher 01:38.180 --> 01:43.180 is loaded, the way the towels are folded, the way the kitchen counter is, you know, 01:43.320 --> 01:47.580 wiped down, the way whatever it is, the way the car is pulled into the garage, 01:47.760 --> 01:49.560 the way the groceries are loaded into the car. 01:49.700 --> 01:52.580 I can go on and we all have this in us. 01:52.580 --> 01:55.900 Ladies, if you're honest with yourself, you will say, yes, I'm extremely picky. 01:56.380 --> 01:59.460 I demand perfection because I have an inflated sense of ego at times. 01:59.500 --> 02:01.140 And I think I'm doing everything the right way. 02:01.180 --> 02:02.720 It becomes my way or the highway. 02:02.800 --> 02:05.680 And you emasculate the guy by saying, you're doing it wrong. 02:06.060 --> 02:06.160 Right? 02:06.260 --> 02:08.100 He goes to load the dishwasher because, you know, 02:08.200 --> 02:10.040 he's trying to be helpful and he's doing it wrong. 02:10.420 --> 02:13.380 He goes to, you know, do whatever, laundry comes out. 02:13.460 --> 02:15.840 He folds a couple of towels and you're like, oh, you rolled them in a ball. 02:16.060 --> 02:16.600 Don't do that. 02:16.700 --> 02:17.040 Forget it. 02:17.100 --> 02:17.700 Just let me do it. 02:17.780 --> 02:17.880 Right? 02:18.260 --> 02:22.500 Be honest, guys have lived this reality over and over and over again. 02:22.580 --> 02:27.220 And what it creates is a guy who's emasculated, but also a guy who says, well, 02:27.240 --> 02:27.680 screw you. 02:27.760 --> 02:28.440 I'm not doing anything. 02:28.600 --> 02:30.380 I'm not going to do it so you can redo it. 02:30.500 --> 02:31.600 Why would I do it at all? 02:31.780 --> 02:32.000 Right? 02:32.100 --> 02:35.800 I'm not going to take a leadership role in this and then have you tell me I'm doing it all wrong. 02:35.960 --> 02:38.860 They don't want to be told like this all the time, like a little child. 02:39.200 --> 02:43.520 And essentially she's saying this ruined her marriage because she was a control freak, 02:43.520 --> 02:46.420 because she was self-righteous, because she had this inflated sense of ego 02:46.420 --> 02:49.820 and because she consistently emasculated her guy, it ruined her marriage. 02:49.820 --> 02:53.000 These are the kinds of videos that are really valuable to have out there, 02:53.020 --> 02:56.840 because women owning up to what they're doing wrong is imperative. 02:57.240 --> 02:58.060 Guys need to own up. 02:58.340 --> 02:59.100 Women need to own up. 02:59.400 --> 03:01.640 And we live in a world now where we expect guys to own up, 03:01.660 --> 03:03.200 but we don't expect women to own up. 03:03.360 --> 03:05.480 And we tell women, in fact, oh, it's not you. 03:05.600 --> 03:06.020 It's never you. 03:06.160 --> 03:10.360 It's never your fault, which is unrealistic, A, not true, 03:10.700 --> 03:14.180 and also extremely unhelpful to building a healthy relationship dynamic. 03:14.800 --> 03:17.420 So I like this one for that reason. 03:17.720 --> 03:18.980 Someone needs to say it, right? 03:18.980 --> 03:19.780 And you all know it. 03:19.960 --> 03:23.060 Guys, you've been with a woman who'd like everything, little thing you do is wrong. 03:23.260 --> 03:25.120 And women, you know, you've been self-righteous. 03:25.360 --> 03:27.980 Just correct that, because that will be the fall of, 03:28.260 --> 03:31.100 if not the last relationship, then the next relationship, it's going to haunt you.