I emasculated my ex-husband three specific ways, control, criticism, and comparison.
I was in control of everything.
I controlled how the dishes went and if he loaded the dishwasher and it wasn't good enough,
the way he was going to lead our team, it wasn't good enough.
The way he managed everything wasn't good enough.
Nothing he did was ever good enough.
And then I let him know out loud, like I criticized everything that he did
and told him how it should have been done better.
And perfection was the standard that I held for him.
So nothing was ever good enough because I was comparing me and him.
And I had this self-righteous view of myself that I knew the way and my way was better.
And nothing he ever did was enough.
And eventually it created a man that was apathetic, that was resigned to not do anything.
Why should he show up if I'm going to redo it?
Or if I'm going to do it better or if he's going to get criticized, why should he show up?
And then that caused further division in our relationship
because he would say that he was going to do something and then just not.
And it created this big void in respect.
And where I got it wrong in the respect category was I was waiting for him to show up as perfect
in order for me to begin to respect him.
I didn't ever respect his effort.
I didn't ever respect the progress.
I didn't respect anything.
This is very important.
This happens in a lot of houses, right?
Women, we can be control freaks, right?
We can also have this idea of we want things done our way, whether it's the way the dishwasher
is loaded, the way the towels are folded, the way the kitchen counter is, you know,
wiped down, the way whatever it is, the way the car is pulled into the garage,
the way the groceries are loaded into the car.
I can go on and we all have this in us.
Ladies, if you're honest with yourself, you will say, yes, I'm extremely picky.
I demand perfection because I have an inflated sense of ego at times.
And I think I'm doing everything the right way.
It becomes my way or the highway.
And you emasculate the guy by saying, you're doing it wrong.
Right?
He goes to load the dishwasher because, you know,
he's trying to be helpful and he's doing it wrong.
He goes to, you know, do whatever, laundry comes out.
He folds a couple of towels and you're like, oh, you rolled them in a ball.
Don't do that.
Forget it.
Just let me do it.
Right?
Be honest, guys have lived this reality over and over and over again.
And what it creates is a guy who's emasculated, but also a guy who says, well,
screw you.
I'm not doing anything.
I'm not going to do it so you can redo it.
Why would I do it at all?
Right?
I'm not going to take a leadership role in this and then have you tell me I'm doing it all wrong.
They don't want to be told like this all the time, like a little child.
And essentially she's saying this ruined her marriage because she was a control freak,
because she was self-righteous, because she had this inflated sense of ego
and because she consistently emasculated her guy, it ruined her marriage.
These are the kinds of videos that are really valuable to have out there,
because women owning up to what they're doing wrong is imperative.
Guys need to own up.
Women need to own up.
And we live in a world now where we expect guys to own up,
but we don't expect women to own up.
And we tell women, in fact, oh, it's not you.
It's never you.
It's never your fault, which is unrealistic, A, not true,
and also extremely unhelpful to building a healthy relationship dynamic.
So I like this one for that reason.
Someone needs to say it, right?
And you all know it.
Guys, you've been with a woman who'd like everything, little thing you do is wrong.
And women, you know, you've been self-righteous.
Just correct that, because that will be the fall of,
if not the last relationship, then the next relationship, it's going to haunt you.